Movie Star

Skip took Maddie to see Das Doppleter Lottchen, which is a cartoon remake of the Parent Trap and takes place in Germany. While they were at the theater, Maddie took a moment to vamp in front of the promotion for Surf's Up or King of the Waves as the German title translates. Luckily, Skip had his picture phone.





I made my first visit to the hospital on Friday to see a friend who is suffering from a serious attack of colitus. She is recovering, but the disease (or is it a virus) attacked the joints in her spine and around one of her knees, so the whole thing was more than a little scary. Plus, being in a foreign country (even thought most doctors speak great English and my friend speaks decent German), you always wonder if you're completely communicating.

It felt like I had walked into Marcus Welby, MD circa 1970. The lobby of the hospital is quite modern looking, but the halls to the patient rooms and the rooms themeselves are stark white with not a picture or poster to be found. Completely blank. I thought about all the effort (and expense) they go to to make hospital rooms in the states more comfortable and calming. But it doesn't really work does it? It's just always lousy to be in the hospital whether the rooms are white or pale blue with a prints of butterflys on the wall.

This hospital is also a lot quieter than our hospitals. There's no central nurses station out in the middle of the floor and my friend says they don't come in and check on you every hour. She said it's must more restful in a German hospital than in an American one.

I'm hoping I won't have reason to return there. Hopefully everyone can just stay well.

New Haircut

Yay. No one was smoking in the hair salon today AND it hasn't rained all day. That's a good day.

My new haircut

It's getting pretty cold here, so I had to turn on the heat. Each room has it's own little heating unit, so I mainly just have it on in the bathrooms as it was getting to chilly for Maddie to get out of the bath without some heat.

We're getting ready to head to the states for Uncle Brian's Wedding. Maddie's teacher is all fine with it, but the administration at the school calls it an "unexcused absence." I hope it doesn't go on her permanent record. Gonna begin the process of hauling home Christmas presents. Hit the Haribo Outlet in Solingen yesterday--also home to the famed knives. I don't think that I will ever let Maddie know that there is a Gummi bear super store within driving distance. I'd never get her out of there!

How to Fix a Bad Day in Duesseldorf

Okay, so I almost ran away from home today. The weather was dreary. I went to Cologne with friends to trudge around in the rain and eat at Hard Rock Cafe (they have real burgers there). The company and the food was great, but the weather was cold and rainy and, like an idiot, I wore inappropriate footwear and was freezing. Also, they're doing all this construction in the Old Town of Cologne, so getting around was a little treacherous and there was a really foul odor in the air.

I went to pick Maddie up at school and she pulled something that almost made me smack her upside the head. I really let her have it in car all the way home. I was really ready to run away. The airport is only 10 minutes from our house and I figured there was cheap flight to somewhere leaving withn the hour. Skip was gone to the States all last week, was home for two nights before heading to a football game last night and hopping a plane to Leeds tonight and not coming back until late Friday. I'm thinking of joining a local chapter of Parents without Partners. He did, thankfully, take Maddie out to eat tonight so that I didn't have to feed anyone. So basically, bad behavior netted her a McDonalds meal.

Now, in Little Rock, after a day like this and a night when my husband was gone, I might have called Mom to see if she could watch Maddie while I went to a movie or to dinner with a friend. Or I might have simply taken a hot bath to wash away the day. But this is Europe, so I booked a flight to Paris for when my friend Andrea comes to visit in November. (Duesseldorf to Paris is like going from Little Rock to Dallas) Ahhhhh, just thinking about it makes today seem much better!

Jet Lag

So, Skip just got back from being in the states for a week. Conventional wisdom on jet lag says that it takes about a day for each hour time change for your body to fully adjust. That means (because of the 7 hour time difference) that Skip's internal clock had just fully adjusted to American time when he flew back to Germany. He'll be here for 9 days before he has to get back on a plane and fly back to the states (with me and Maddie) for his brother Brian's wedding. Now, during that 9 days, he will have to make a trip to England where there's a one hour time difference, so I'm not sure what that does to the adjustment process. We'll all be in the states for the wedding for 6 days before coming back. October promises to be a grouchy month in the Russ-Lentz household!

German Living

Thursday night, Maddie and I headed to IKEA for a hot dog and ice cream dinner. Ikea has American-style hot dogs and they'll sell you a dog and a drink for 1 euro 50 cents. So the two of us ate for 3 euros. Then Maddie had a one euro ice cream cone, so that bumped up our total cost.

Friday I went in to Maddie's class with cupcakes for the kids to decorate. They're finishing up their unit on how to be a good friend, so each kid got to make a cupcake and then draw a name for the person they were to give the cupcake to. Maddie has 19 kids in her class with TEN countries represented: Germany, England, USA, the Netherlands, Kuwait, India, Austria, Korea, Belgium and Romania. It's amazing. Maddie's teacher is just ridiculously good at what she does. The kids and the class are really impressive.


Maddie and friend Riley (both USA)

Constantine (Germany), Yassir (Kuwait) and Arvin (India)

Ava (USA), Salome (Begium) and Leah (USA)

Last night was nice, so we met friends at Pizzaria Roma's and let the kids play on the playground. Thankfully it wasn't MY kid who decided to climb up in the tallest tree she could find (that would be my friend Joy's daugher, Madison).

Tonight Maddie and I are headed to the movies to see Hairspray. The dialogue will be in German, but the songs are in English and Maddie love the soundtrack, so it should be fun. We pick Skip up at the airport early Sunday morning.

An Apple a Day...

Had a very unpleasant surprise when I turned on the shower this morning. Fruit flies! Everywhere! UGGGGGHHHHH! And the blame rests on me and Skip.

Maddie loves to eat apples and has a habit of dropping the cores wherever she happens to be at the time she finishes them. We've both gotten on to her about it, and Skip really let her have it the other day when the two of them were picking up in her playroom and found some identifiable objects that seemed to be organic in nature.

Apparently she took it to heart because the source of the fruit flies were two apple cores in the bathroom garbage can. She did exactly what we asked her to do--throw the cores away when she's finished. The garbage can has a lid on it, so I didn't see or smell the remains. But that apparently doesn't stop the fruit flies. Ugggg. The ONE time she actually does what we ask her to do!

Major Purchase

Have made a major lifestyle purchase today--a wider, padded bike seat. I believe because of the pain I was in on Friday, I neglected to tell my devoted readers about my bike ride into downtown Duesseldorf . Went with friends Joy and Mary from our homes in Kaiserswerth all the way into and round Duessledorf. We had lunch, bought Skip and birthday present and sought out the international store where cake mixes, Bisquick and Diet Dr. Pepper can be had--for a price. Basically I spent about 2 to 2 1/2 hours on a bike dodging through Duesseldorf traffic like Kevin Bacon in "Quiksilver". Okay, so it was probably more like something out of a Bernstein Bears book, but the point is, my backside was hating me by the time it was over. Thank goodness Joy had plenty of Advil at her house and an ice pack in her freezer. But now I'll be ready for the next trip with my luxurious, padded, wide-model bike seat. Before I started riding my bike so much, I would have said my posterior had more than ample padding, but clearly, that is not the case.

If it's not raining (and that's a very big IF), biking is the way to travel around here. It's quicker than walking, parking is not a problem and you get to check out places you would miss if you were in a car or the train. The problem is that the weather and the temperature can turn on a dime here. So you have to wear layers that you can shed if the sun comes out and have a rain jacket in your saddle bags in case it starts to rain. Toss in some sunglasses because when the sun does come out it's really bright. There are some impressive people who can bike with one hand on the handlebars and holding an umbrella in the other. I am not one of those people.

I still don't have a helmet. Lots of people don't wear them here, but as my friend Mary says, "My family needs me to have a brain." Need to get one, but I have to go with someone who knows about such things. I know there's a certain way they should fit, but they all felt funny on my head.

Maddie has a new bike that she got from friends Paige and Zoe. We haven't had much luck getting her up on it, but one nice weekend, we're turning her over to Joy who has gotten 4 kids up and running on bikes. It's nice to have resident experts on hand.

Skip's Birthday Weekend

Skip's Birthday Ice Cream

Skip with Torsten, Timmy, Elke and Elfie

Skip had a great birthday weekend. He went Friday to the BVB game and watched them win 3 to 0. Saturday we went out with friends and relatives to Mongos--a mongolian barbque place in Duisburg. It's a restaurant where you pick a sauce and the go through a buffet line with a bowl picking out veggies and meats and then the chefs stir fry it all together and bring it to your table. This morning, he got breakfast in bed--Maddie insists that you should always have breakfast in bed on your birthday and later we headed in to Kaiserswerth for the annual Kartoffelfestival (that's a potato festival for you non-German speakers).

Maddie and I went to the welcome back picnic and school on Friday night. It's always fun to watch the new dads realize that there's a beer truck parked at the school. It softens the blow of still not having internet connection and the pain of the blisters they've gotten putting together all that IKEA furniture. Maddie had friend Riley's birthday party on Saturday morning and enjoyed having a new babysitter on Saturday night. We've started letting Rosie out in the little entry way to our house. We can completely shut it off from any other rooms or stairs and it gives her a chance to run around.

Maddie's Keen Fashion Sense

Maddie and Rosie

Okay, so my rant for the week is issue of waiting in line. I stood with Maddie in line on Friday to get animal balloons from a clown at the school picnic and I stood in line at the Kartoffelfest. Both times German children or adults cut in front of me. Now in the kids line, I just told them where the back of the line was and pointed. We had to wait for about 15 minutes and I sent three different kids (all Germans) to the back of the line. The Asian kids and the American kids just qued up at the end and waited. The same thing happened to me waiting in line for potato soup today. A gentlemen of about 75 walked up to where I was standing, looked back to the end of the line and then just wedged his way between me and the person in front of me. Nobody said a word. I didn't because first of all, I didn't know how to say, "back of the line, buddy" in German, and second of all because it would have seemed rude to kick the 75-year-old out of the line. I have seen this happen time and again (there was a fairly ugly incident at a clothing store with a friend of mine). It seems like the cultural norm is "if you can get away with it, don't bother waiting for your turn." What is that about? We've had to teach Maddie not to break in line, but to stand her ground and protect her place--otherwise she'd spend her life here waiting for a turn!

Maddie is a Mermaid

Yes, the child leads a charmed life. Well, actually, she was really good in the try-outs. She's really excited. I'm really excited, too. She could have been one of the narrators, but she opted for mermaid status. Mermaids are only in one scene. That means we don't have to be at practice every week between now and the February show date. It's one of those win-wins.

I on the other hand may have to find a bridge to jump off. I'm not sure how it happened, but I agreed to be one of the two homeroom moms for Maddie's classroom. I've always considered homeroom mom status to be one of the 9 (or is it7?) levels of hell. What did I do to land here and is there a penance I could do to get me out?

To top it off, I've been going to the gym with my skinny friend Jennifer. NEVER go to the gym with skinny people. It's just a bad move. She's been getting me to try this new group of classes they're offering. It's addling my brain. She's convinced me that next week I really should try the pilates class AFTER the spinning class for a full two hours of cardio and strength training. I'm already not sleeping because when I turn over in bed, every muscle in my body aches.

So let's review--living in a foreign country, no job--but manic volunteer, exercising to the point of pain, pet owner and homeroom mom. I'm thinking I may have to skip the 20th high school reunion next summer. I don't think I've quite lived up to the goals I laid out in the yearbook.

Oh, and on a life in German note--I was so amused that our German neighbor was scrubbing down the steps and walkway that lead to his front door. These are OUTSIDE steps. And he wasn't just rinsing or even using a power washer. He had this machine that looked kind of like a floor buffer. I kind of rolled my eyes until later that day, I realized how much nicer their steps and landing looked than ours. But don't think that the German lifestyle has rubbed off on me too much. Bought a beautiful pot of mums last week and they're already dead. I'll have to sneak them out to the appropriate bin after dark.

Daniel Powter kind of day

Daniel Powter had a hit song last year with "Bad Day". It's been that kind of day.

Skip took the car to Frankfurt today. He normally takes the train, but as today is the anniversary of 9/11 and with the recent arrests in the Frankfurt area, I wasn't too keene on him taking a train that landed him in the middle of the Frankfurt airport on this particular day.

So Maddie and I took the train to school and I had to hightail it back home to host a Halloween Party planning meeeting, where I was the killjoy because the costume contest is now going to be a parade of costumes. The kids at this elementary school get cut from soccer teams and basketballteams, have to audition for choir and try out for school plays where there aren't enough slots. Does Halloween have to entail a competition as well for kids under the age of 10?

Then, my friend Joann kindly invited me to tea to welcome a new member of our community who has moved here from England. I was the token American. I believe there was a stray Aussie or two as well. So I took my bike to Joann's. I had my sunglasses when I left, but packed rain gear in my saddle bags, which I had to use on my way to pick up Maddie at school. Left my bike at my friend Joy's house because I didn't want to leave the bike at the school overnight. Picked up Maddie and went acroos the street for recorder lessons. Running in to the building for recorder lessons, Maddie trips and totally skins both knees and even manages to slightly bruise her face. FAR to upset for recorder lessons, absolutely hysterical, but I have an hour to get her calmed down before she has to audition for this blasted school play. I was abolutely gobsmacked (new word I've learned from my Brit friends--great isn't it?) as I couldn't run her home and get her cleaned up and bandaged as I didn't have the car today (which is usually not at all a big deal).

About 10 minutes before her name is called, she pulls it together, goes in and does a fantastic job. Every line is perfect and delivered with just the right inflection. I, however, am a wreck. The cards are stacked against her, as I am not in the inner circle of moms (many of whom are my friends and rather nice people) who are on the drama team and whose kids are guaranteed a spot in the play. I was never really in the "in" or "out" crowd at school, but I had a very real sense of what it felt like to be one of the "outs" today. I walked in to the audition room with Maddie and I felt like the geeky kid in some bad high school movie with all of the drama moms gathered in a circle to watch my child's audition. Maddie did great. I am going to need some recovery time. I think this says something about me--I'm not sure what

Rosie the bunny continues to do well.

The bunny, the bunny, I love the bunny

yes. We did it. Today we welcomed Rosie the zwerge kaninchen (dwarf bunny) into our lives. Here in Germany, a bunny if a fairly common pet. Over a million people have them--as pets. Others raise larger rabbits for food.

Maddie spent most of the day either watching Rosie in her house or petting her. Since bunnies are prey animals, you can imagine they're a little nervous, so we'll be holding her a lot over the next week or so to let her get used to us. Even the person who was least enthusiastic about acquiring a pet (that would be me) has to admit, she's pretty cute.

In other German experiences, I was able to Uberweissen for the first time all by myself yesterday. No, it's not something illegal. It's paying a bill--German style. They don't use checks here at all. Most payments are set up by automatice draft, but if you have random payments--say a membership fee in the American Women's Club--then you go to the bank and use this machine next to the ATM. You put in the name of the oraganization you want to pay, their bank and two different series of numbers. Skip was so busy last week that he didn't have time and the fee was due. It was either figure out how to use the machine when all was in German, or go to the people in the bank and ask them to speak English. I avoid the latter if at all possible. It seems rude to ask people in THEIR country to speak YOUR language. Basic stuff I can muddle through, but banking language is not part of my vocab. I was able to fake my way through the machine because I had an English teacher mom who taught me that if you understan the root of the word, you can generally figure out what the word means. It works in Germany, too.

One more tidbit: tonight we ate at the Road Stop Cafe in Essen. It's "American style" food--including burgers, which are hard to come by here. The couple sitting behind us at theirs with a knife and fork. We looked like complete Philistines!

One Year

It was one year ago today that Maddie and Skip and I got on a plane to come to Germany. Isn't it good that we can't see the future? I never would have come...and then where would I be?

Maddie wouldn't know German. I still don't really know German, but that's beside the point.

I might never had gotten back on a bicycle (am actually a little sore right now from that particular piece of equipment. I always give myself away as a tourist--not a native--when I'm on my bike. I actually have to put my feet down when I have to stop at a crosswalk. The real Germans can stay balanced even when they're not moving!)

I wouldn't know how to make some really kickin' schnitzel

Skip wouldn't have discovered that he can read Dutch or realize his dream of having season tickets to all the home BVB games in Dortmund.

We would never have known what a truly wide world of Gummi candies there are to choose from

Maddie wouldn't be able to watch Kim Possible (cartoon character) dive offe the Eiffel tower and say "I've been there!" For Maddie, saying that her friend Julia lives in Memphis is no different from telling you that her friend Hannah is from Korea. For her, it really is a small world after all.

We never would have gotten to hang out with the German relatives as much. And I gotta say, they're pretty cool.

I still would have no idea where Majorca was (an island off the coast of Spain where I've just booked us for a five-day vacation in October. Already a good deal, when I went in to book it, they were running a special and we saved even more. With flight, room and board included, it would almost cost us more money to stay home those days. okay, not quite, but it sounds good)

And I wouldn't have met some people that I can't imagine going through life and not knowing. I've heard that people who serve in the armed forces basic traning bond for life with the people with whom they survive it. I think it's kind of the same thing for an ex-pat assignment.

Still Me

Okay, I've really tried to immerse myself in this whole German experience.

On Saturday, we went and put a deposit down on a zwerg kaninchen (or dwarf bunny) for you English speakers. We'll be picking it up next week. It's a fairly common pet here in Germany, and it was a compromise for pet-starved Maddie whose mom doesn't want a dog and whose dad doesn't want a cat. Pray for us all!

That night we had cousins Torsten and Elke over for dinner and a game of Skat--an EXTREMELY complicated German card game. Found out that we got off easy, because apparently, you usually play for money! Had a great meal, a great time and we know a new card game. Next time we get together I'm teaching them Golf, a card game my Aunt Carole taught me. Much easier!

Sunday we had my friend Sheree and her husband Florian and their kids Leah and Lucas over for (what else!) coffee and cake. Sheree is American and her husband is German, but their German time is temporary. Florian lived in the states for something-teen years before coming back. We sat around the table drinking coffee while the kids played until 6 p.m. Skip and I didn't get to sleep 'til after midnight we were so wired.

So you'd think that through all the transition and turmoil of living in Germany, I would have emerged a more fully evolved, centered human being. But, no. Today we had the activities fair for the American Women's Club and I was busy signing up volunteers for the massive Halloween Party. When I went to get my parking ticket validated, I left my lists (of about 50 volunteers and e-mail addresses) at the front desk of the hotel where the meeting was held. That's the same kind of thing pre-ex-pat Anne would have done. Fortuneately, it was still there when I went back for it. Whew!

Making the Transition

About a week ago, I was asked to speak at the American Women's Club newcomers coffe about how our spiritual lives play a role in the transition into ex-pat life. Several people have asked me for a copy of my remarks, so I decided to post them on the blog.

I am an ordained Presbyterian pastor. When I began preaching, I was completely daunted (terrified?) by the idea of preaching—like I have something to say about the word of God that everyone needs to hear. Me. Please! What kind of authority or knowledge do I have?

So my approach to preaching is more along the lines that we are all on a journey together and that I am just as fallible as the next guy, but I have some thoughts I’d like to share that might help us along on our journey together.

I had kind of the same reaction when Molly asked me to talk at this meeting today. Me. Please! I am hardly the example of how to smoothly transition into the ex-pat life. In fact, when I told some of my closets friends that I would be speaking here today, they laughed—long and loudly. I recently got an e-mail from a friend who moved back to the states at the end of the summer who told me she considered running a pool to see whether or not I would get on the plane to come back, but the whole dollar/euro conversion just made it too complicated.

I can’t remember when I ever cried in public as an adult until I came to Germany and, for awhile, it was a weekly event. I have yelled at my child more in the last year than I have in her whole life put together. Whoever said that children are better off when their mother stays home full time never met me.

So after admitting that I am no shining example of how to transition into life as an ex-pat, I will share with you a couple of things today that perhaps you will find helpful as we journey along this ex-pat road together.

Let’s start with the idea that everyone has their baseline level of “okayness”. Let’s say it’s here. Here is where you are on a regular, average kind of day. Up here is your over the edge mark. Know that when you become a stranger in a strange land your “normal” level moves that much closer to your over the edge place.

So what we have to do is manage that space between okay and over the edge. And that means we have to exercise the discipline of self-care. We have to be very intentional about taking care of ourselves. I’m pretty sure most of us first arrived in this country via airplane. And what does the flight attendant tell us about the oxygen masks? Place your own mask on before attempting to help anyone else. In other words, if you can’t breathe, you can’t help anyone else breathe.

When we think about self-care, we are willing to feed our bodies and exercise our minds, but how do we care for our inner-most core. Our spirit. Did you know that word spirit comes from the Latin word which means breath? In Hebrew, the word is Ruah which also means breath or wind. In our most ancient languages the word for spirit is synonymous with the word that sustains life. We know that life cannot exist without breath, so why is it that the nurture of our spirit seems to take a back seat to everything else?

So how to we care for our spirit? I think we all know that relationships are integral to our well being. We are created to be in community. So I encourage you to foster some new relationships here. Make new friends. And the American Women’s Club is a great place to do so. But if you limit your relationships to the people you meet here, you have missed one of the great gifts of this experience—the chance to enter into friendships with people who come from other places, who have their own ways of nurturing their spirit, who have different things that put them over the edge.

And speaking of going over the edge, you want to make sure that you have at least one or two friends to whom you can say, “I’m not okay.” Because there will be times when you’re not.

We all know that the ability to travel and see the world is one of the biggest advantages of the ex-pat life, but have you thought of tailoring your travel plans to your own self-care? Instead of going to places you want to see, consider scheduling trips to places that meet your needs.

• Tired of having to rehearse in your brain what you’re going to say to the butcher or the dry cleaner? Head to England for an English-speaking vacation.

• Need a little Southern Hospitality, I’ve found the Dutch to be the Southerners of this part of Europe.

• In need of a little ego boost and want a weekend in a place where the men are guaranteed to flirt with you? Try Italy.

• Weary of people staring at you when you talk or laugh too loudly. Take a jaunt on Ireland and be as loud as you want. No one will even bat an eye.

Perhaps travel and spiritual nurture are not two things you would normally connect, but I know that when any of us think of nurturing our spirits, we think of spiritual communities. Houses of worship. I would encourage you, if you have not already done so, to find a spiritual community to connect with. There are many formal and informal communities in the area where English speakers can gather and worship together. Again and again, studies have show that people who regularly gather with a worshipping community have fewer heart attacks, strokes and illnesses than those who don’t. It quite literally helps you keep breathing.

In addition to becoming part of a community, I encourage you to cultivate your own daily, spiritual practice. Whether it is scripture study, prayer, lighting a candle, sitting under a tree or simply being quiet, a daily ritual will help keep you grounded and futher away from the over-the-edge line. If you’ve never done such a thing, I challenge you to try it for just a week, and I promise it will make a difference.

Recently someone asked me if I had enjoyed the last year in Germany, and I said that no, I hadn’t. But afterwards, I realized that my answer didn’t give the whole picture. Enjoy is just the wrong word. Quite frankly, last year was filled with way too many trials and tribulations and struggles and strains to be called enjoyable, but there are things that occurred in that year that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Would I give up the fact that my six-year-old has seen the Eiffel Tower, touched the bell at the top of Notre Dame where Quasimodo lived and saw Mary Poppins on stage in London?

Would I trade a fabulous Thanksgiving dinner shared with dear friends I hadn’t even known three months before?

Would I trade the chance for our family (especially our daughter) to get to know the German side of the family?

Would I give up the friends I’ve made here that I intend to keep for a lifetime?

Not a chance. So “enjoy” is not the right word to describe my time here. Perhaps a better word is “blessed.” I’ve definitely been blessed by time as an ex-pat in Germany. I hope your time will be to and may we even have the opportunity to be a blessing to each other.