Enriching my child

After yesterday, I'm a little burned out on making sure my child is well-rounded. I went with her class on a field trip to the botanic gardens and did okay for about the first two hours. It was that last hour that kind of did me in--not to mention the high pollen count. We did have one incident with a kid brushing up against brennessel. A plant here in Germany that when you touch it it makes you break out into stinging hives wherever it comes in contact with your skin. And it was a GERMAN kid who got into it, so at least he knew what it was and seemed to take it in stride. We had to do some hasty first aid, but he was a trouper. One of the other German kids in my little group asked if she could speak German to me and I told her she could, but I couldn't promise to understand everything.

Then we had our final swimming lesson after school. It would have been the final lesson whether or not we were moving, but it's yet another thing that is a "last time" for Maddie, and it made her sad. I was so giddy at the prospect of not having to make this trek (that ends up being a three-hour endeavor) twice a week that I fear I didn't offer a sufficient amount of comfort.

The selling of our stuff continues to be time consuming. Oh, for a Salvation Army truck to come and haul it away and give us a nice receipt for our taxes. We do actually have a Salvation Army here, but they don't do the pick up thing. I do, however, have most of the stuff we don't want to take with us spoken for.

Tonight I am going with girlfriends to see Sex in the City in ENGLISH at the movies. Very excited. Even before she existed on the pages of books and on the small screen, Carrie Bradshaw was who I wanted to be when I grew up.

Phewff!

Boy the violent weather back in the States sure is putting the Dusseldorf drizzle into perspective! I'm pretty sure no one's house has been destroyed by lack of sun.

While Monday was not a holiday in Germany, it is a holiday in England. And since Skip is an employee of the UK office, he had the day off. I took him on the abbreviated Anne Russ tour of Dusseldorf. Some of the things I regularly show visitors and newcomers to the area, he had not experienced. We did have lunch at one of his favorite restaurants and we went and bought Birkenstocks. We felt it was wrong to leave Germany without them.

Today, he is paying for his leisure. He even has a conference call that starts late tonight because it's with folks in the States.

I have been working to sell the items of furniture we aren't taking with us to the UK. Our classified in the Radschlaeger didn't seem to help much, so I took pictures of everything and sent out a mass e-mail last night with the visual aids, and today, almost everything has been spoken for. Anyone need a table and chairs? I've spent a good portion of my day checking and responding to e-mails and setting up appointments to check out and/or pick up items.

The moving company sent someone today to look at all our stuff and put together an estimate for the move. Two weeks from Thursday, we move to the hotel and they come get our stuff. Yikes!

In light of the intensity of the next few weeks, I went by the Apotheke (pharmacy) today to get a box of Neuropas. It's homeopathic medication that is a mixture of St. John's Wort, valerian root and passion flower. It's good for depressiver Verstimmung und nervöser Unruhe, which in English translates to: depressive disgruntlement and nervous restlessness. It's quite effective. I've taken it before, but this time the pharmacist warned me that when you take it you have to be careful of overexposure to the sun. I laughed and she said, "I know, it's not usually a problem." But a lot of people here use tanning beds, so she cautioned me about that as well.

Tomorrow I am off on a field trip with Maddie's class to the Duesseldorf Botantical Gardens. Normally, I don't do well with large groups of young children, but for whatever reason, this group seems to like me. They don't know my name (Maddie's Mom), but they're basically pretty sweet.

The Comforting Sound of Bon Jovi

We had such a good time at the Bon Jovi concert in Gelsenkirchen last night. It was an intimate affair with us, the band and about 70,000 close friends. They put on a great show. I had no idea how good it would make me feel to be there. Apparently the harmonies of Jon Bon Jovi and his troubled sidekick Richie Sambora have a soothing effect on me. Even though I can't call particular instances to mind, I'm guessing that happy memories over the last 25 years have been backed by a Bon Jovi soundtrack.

Since being here in Germany, I kind of exist in a state of feeling out of place and uncomfortable, but it's been strange to realize what I find comforting. Several of us refer to it as "things that make us feel normal." Mine include getting to watch Grey's Anatomy downloaded on I-tunes, walking around holding a styrofoam Dunkin Donuts cup of coffee, going to an English speaking movie, and (apparently) getting to hear Bon Jovi in concert.

Skip and I had a great time people watching. What is the world coming to when a Bon Jovi concert is a family affair? Moms and Dads with their kids and more than a few folks I'm guessing make the grandparent role were in attendance. My favorite was the woman who had to be at least 60, was about 5 foot 2, about 180 pounds, wearing a bright orange sweater. She danced through the whole thing. Had the best time.

Before we got to see the main act, we did have to sit through "Italy's number one rock star". No slam on Italy, but it was a little painful.

Skip was making bets on whether or not the band would pronounce the name of the town right. It's pronounced Gel-sen-KEER-ken. Richie got it right, but Jon said how glad he was to be in GelsenKERken, rhyming with gerken. We thought they might at least toss in a gutentag somewhere along the way, but they stuck with what they knew.

I left hoping to find something to do that I enjoy as much as those guys seemed to enjoy putting on a show.

Going Home

Here's an article a friend of mine wrote for the American Women's magazine, the Radschlaeger. I thought she really captured some of what happens when you go back to the states after living in Germany for awhile. She gave me permission to post it here.

What to expect from a visit home
Submitted by Laura Lynn Essick

A visit home does require some obligatory visits and just trying to catch up with lots of folks. Here is some advice that worked for us. Set up as many dates with those you want to see before you arrive. It will make for a smoother schedule and help facilitate good use of your time. Send out an email way in advance and start filling in dates. This will also avoid frustration of not being able to fit into others’ schedules – after all, life does go on with or without you so a little planning will be key to help you see all you desire. Then if you are unable to get to see everyone, at least you know the opportunity was given and this advance planning really prepares all parties involved – especially YOU! I recommend this for at least your first big visit home.

A lot does change given whatever time frame you have been gone – even in a few months you will see a noticeable difference. You may find friends and relatives a bit close-minded, and where you visit or return to will be a totally different place than when you left. Not that it is so different, but rather, you are now. You will find that some are not interested in your excitement of what you have seen or experienced. That is okay. Do not be offended – just share with those who ask. It has been my rule that, in general, unless asked a question like: 'What was your favorite country to visit?' or 'What do you like best about Germany?' I usually do not give unsolicited information. This may take some self control on your part, but will save some disappointment I promise.

For our first “real” visit home, it had been two years. Here are some of my experiences and perspectives on an overdue visit back to our homeland. I was at a store and did not want to bother the worker for long, so simply asked if they had the article I was looking for. The salesperson said: “Let's try this again: 'Good day, how are you?’” I was set back for a moment, realizing my directness had been interpreted as rudeness, a change I had not ever noticed in myself. At a craft store, I asked the worker how much time she had to help me, wanting to get in all my questions assuming she would disappear and I would soon be on my own. She laughed and said she was available for however long she was needed. I thought: I guess I have been out of touch with how things generally operate in the American service- oriented stores.

Our first impressions of home were how the air was smoke free EVERYWHERE, you did not have to pay to use the WC and of course, no one was speaking German. We got very excited about receiving free ketchup packets and drink refills.

I did not miss the bugs that I had forgotten about and resolved to get others to believe that Germany really does not have such bloodthirsty bugs.

I liked that, unlike the EC card, I could use my Visa everywhere and never had to have cash on hand.

At the grocery store, it was like I was in a foreign land as the shelves were stocked with more products than you could ever need or want. Someone's job was to bag my purchases, and they were so liberal with giving out bags I was not paying for, I just could not believe it. I let the man behind me go ahead since he only had a few items and was totally surprised when he thanked me.

The kids had their own perspectives on their first visit home in two years: they were thrilled with the novelty of free water, free refills and extra ice in everything. (I, on the other hand, froze not only from how every drink was served so cold but how cold it was anywhere you went.) The kids also liked that there were so many choices for everything, especially drinks and food, but one step in a craft or toy store could almost be overwhelming. Again, I was reminded of what an indulgent society we came from, and it has only gotten worse in the time we have been gone.

The kids really honed in on differences with the toilets, how the appliances were huge and how our Connecticut home showed we were spoiled since we have both air conditioning and ceiling fans. Having close to an acre of land, our yard could not be called a Garten and I think we all had forgotten the thrill of seeing wild turkeys in our lot and the ability of having 34 kids in the backyard being as loud as they wished and you did not in the least bit feel crowded.

We ate more hot dogs than I care to admit and drank more Root Beer in our first week home then we have the whole time we have lived in Germany. It did drive me nuts that the car beeped when you locked it and car alarms were constantly going off. I guess noise pollution is something worth considering.

Here are some other things I realized or had forgotten about my homeland:

• how GPS dependant I have become (or should I say how handicapped I have become using one – for even though I have lived in the area we were visiting most of my life – I had to dust the cobwebs out of my brain to recall short cuts and just navigate myself around town)
• how Autobahn driving made it very difficult to drive 65 mph, let alone 50 or 55 highway zones. After five and a half weeks, I was finally consistently driving the speed limit.
• how, in general, Americans are friendly with waves, smiles, and hellos to strangers
• and how indulgent a society the US really is!

When we went home for that extended visit, I knew before going that we had changed and knew our friends, relatives and neighbors at home just would not fully relate or understand all we have been experiencing unless they too have traveled extensively or lived an ex-pat life. I knew we would be ready to return from the visit when the time came, and I knew we were not quite ready to return to the States for good.

With a little mental preparation and some planning, hopefully you will find some of the tips above helpful on your next visit home. Enjoy the the people you get to see rather than fretting about what you have not done yet or who you have not been able to catch up with. And if you can't see everyone (as inevitably will happen) invite them to come visit you here and show them your new neck of the woods. One thing I know for sure is that you will never look at your home country the same – you will travel and visit places you might not have ever considered before. You will see your homeland as a foreign land and a travel opportunity to learn more and more. Enjoy the journey wherever it takes you.

Easing the Transition

Skip is pretty much in London most of the time, so I've lost my German translator. I had a woman call on Monday and start talking in German, when I told her I didn't speak very much German (this whole conversation is taking place in German), she said that was okay. She would talk slowly. She kept asking what day would be good for me, but I couldn't figure out good for what? I told her my husband would be back on Thursday, but she said that would be too late. Again, I had to wonder, too late for what? Finally she said she had someone who could speak English and would call later and would I be home around 8 p.m. I assured her I would and wondered what it was the someone would be calling about. Let me just say that conversations where you don't understand what people are saying are a WHOLE lot funnier when you know you're leaving in a month.

Turns out it was about an estimate the re-paint the inside of our house when we leave. If you ever get a chance to be a landlord in Germany, take it. The houses don't even come with their own closets or light fixtures (many come without installed kitchens) and when you leave, YOU are responsible for having the entire house repainted.

Yesterday, I gathered up a lot of Maddie's and my clothing to donate to charity. The trick is that there no one place to donate everything. You have to take your stuff to different places that take different things. No Goodwill here. Fortunately the American Women's Club has a volunteer who serves as a liaison to several different charities. You can take her your donations--separated out and labeled--and she gets them to the appropriate organizations. The volunteer lives in the beautiful setting where four homes are surrounding a courtyard. The problem is that you have to drive down what is chiefly a bike path to get there. It is okay to drive on the path if you are going to one of these houses. Trouble is that the people on bikes don't know that. So they yell at you. It baffles me that a place where people won't return a smile to a stranger have no problem yelling at the same stranger if you're doing something they don't like.

On a weird note, a friend of mine who has had movers at her house for two days had to call the police because her neighbor assaulted one of the movers. Apparently they had had words the first day and on the second day, the neighbor (who happens to be a psychologist) went into his house and came out with a coffee cup on his hand and popped the mover in the nose. My friends don't speak much German, so they have no idea what the altercation was about. We're also wondering is a coffee cup on the hand is the German version of brass knuckles? Fortunately, this is not America, so my friends will in no way be liable. In the States they'd probably be sued for not controlling their neighbor or better protecting the movers. Can't wait to see what happens on our moving day.

Today, we have no hot water in the house. Thank goodness it's not too cold because the same unit that runs the heating also heats the water. The whole unit looks to be out. No lights or humming at all. And yes, I did check to make sure that it was plugged in before I called the landlord. We may be out of luck for awhile as tomorrow is a holiday in Germany.

After school today I'm taking Maddie and a friend to the big indoor pool complex where she is taking lessons. I promised Maddie we would go just to play sometimes. Maddie loves it and I will be a wreck by the time it's over. It's big and loud and there is no supervision, so you just hope that some teenager won't come barreling down on top of your kid on the water slide. All that coupled with the naked people in the changing area just wears me out.

I am ready to be home for the summer.

Mother's Day

We got some sad news this weekend. Skip's Tante (Aunt) Rosl died suddenly this week. She is Skip's mother's sister-in-law and mother to Skip's cousin Ollie. We spent time at her house just about six weeks ago during Maddie's spring break and Skip spent a great deal of time there in the summers when he was growing up. We all have really good memories of Tante Rosl. A delightful lady. We are so happy that we got to see her one last time.

I hope I have a chance to make kartoffel poufs for all of you. Tante Rosl taught me how. We will eat these yummy, fried potato creations and remember her fondly.

Here is my Mother's Day message that was published in the American Women's Club magazine this month. I've gotten a lot of good feedback, so I thought I would post it here for Mother's Day.

In Praise of the Professional Mom
By Anne Russ

Before I came to Düsseldorf, I had never been a professional mom—meaning that parenthood was not my sole occupation. With the exception of the first four months of my daughter’s life, I split my time between motherhood and the ministry. I was one of the lucky ones, blessed with a flexible schedule and amazing friends, family, babysitters and daycare. And my child thrived in an environment of mom, dad and an entire “village” of people who loved her.

When I came to Germany, I thought it would be nice to have a break from juggling job and child. There would be no repeats of the time my husband was out of town, and I was to preside over a very large funeral and our 2½-year-old woke up with 102 degrees fever (thank goodness for grandmothers!). There would be no more picking up my daughter at her pre-school at 3:30, running home to spend a couple of hours with her, throwing something together for dinner, and waiting until Skip came home so I could head back to church for evening meetings. I thought I was in for a treat.

It hasn’t quite worked out that way. Somehow being a stay-at-home mom has drained me more than juggling the work and mommy-dom. My patience level has taken a nosedive. I yell at my child on a fairly regular basis (a parenting technique that I am, in theory, opposed to). My previously independent child has become more “mommy clingy” than she’s ever been in her life. Add to that the stress of living in a different culture with a different language and smaller washing machines, and it just hasn’t been the break I anticipated.

I called a friend back in the States who gave up a successful marketing research career two years earlier to stay home with her kids. “Why is this so hard?” I asked her. “Shouldn’t it be easier without the other job?”

She had the answer. “You never get to switch gears. When I used to come home from work, even if the kids were screaming, it was still good to be home from work. Now the kids are the work and there is no break. Even when they are at school, you’re doing stuff for and about the kids most of the time.”

Aha! So my envy of the professional mom’s (or dad’s) lifestyle may have been slightly misinformed.

Since coming here, I have been in awe of those of you who juggle the schedules of one, two, three, four and even more children in a foreign land. Many of you do it with little help from husbands who work long hours at the jobs that brought you here in the first place. (Oh, and let them be warned, the next man I hear say, “I wish I could be an ex-pat wife” may get hit upside the head!)

You do what you do with almost no vacation time—except an occasional girl’s weekend away. Can you imagine another job where one or two weekends off in a year would be considered acceptable?

You do what you do with very little job training. I had ninety post-graduate hours and two internships to prepare me for the pastorate. I took six one-hour prenatal classes and read a book or two before I had my daughter.

You do what you do without any administrative support. There is no one but you to keep track of schedules, plan the meals, answer the phones and keep up with the correspondence.

You do what you do with very little encouragement or feedback. Every morning that you get your kids out the door and to school on time, fully dressed, with homework and lunch in tow, there ought to be a little cheering section that says, “Way to go! I don’t know how you do this every morning!” Every night when you get the kids fed, bathed, in PJs and tucked into bed asleep, there ought to be someone around to say, “Wow! That was amazing! You are really good at this.”

You do what you do with love, humor and a real sense of call to motherhood. You give your time and talents to benefit your children and others in ways that will not be fully appreciated for years—if ever! You stand ready to support and encourage other mothers on their journeys and are gracious about accepting help when you need it yourself.

The only thing I would encourage you to do differently is to give yourself more credit for all you do. Some of you may have lost touch with just how amazing you are.

And while you’re the one who has to constantly field the cries of “I’m hungry!” “I’m bored.” “He’s touching me!” and “Everyone else has one.” You also get to be the first to hear “Guess what happened at school today?” “I think when I grow up, I want to be a…” “I made the team!” and “Can we talk?”

Every job has its perks.

Here’s hoping you at least get a chance to sleep in this Mother’s Day.

And then there was one

Maddie got her sleepover birthday party--sort of. We started out with five guests. We made our own pizzas, had cake and ice cream and played with the bunnies. Then one guest had to leave for an appointment, and then there were four. Then one little girl's mother came to pick her up about 9 p.m. because they had to get up early and leave for Paris for the long weekend (Pentecost Monday is a holiday here). And then there were three. When we finally got the four of them down to bed, two of them started to cry and insisted that they just couldn't stay the night. They needed to be in their own beds. I didn't even push it. One of the moms came and took them both home. And then there was one. Jamie and Maddie didn't go to sleep until almost midnight and were up and playing again by 5:15 a.m. Skip and I have bags under the bags under our eyes. But Maddie has had a great time and I don't ever have to do this again--until next year.



Last one standing

Here in the unreal world

Ex-pat life is so not like real life anyway--every child has two parents in the home, every kid at school has a coat and shoes, about 90 percent of the people you meet have college degrees and probably at least 50 percent have advanced graduate level degrees as well. Add to that statements like, "We'll look for some next time we're at a castle" as an answer to your child's question about marble staircases, and it's just not normal.

But it also lulls you into this false sense that we're all just one big happy global family now. I had lunch today in Japantown with a group of sixteen women who came from Singapore, China, Japan, Korea, Austria, Germany, England, Russia and the US. Haven't all of us been in some kind of war with one another at some time? And now we sit and laugh at lunch together. It seems like I know someone from every little corner of the globe and at least have a glimpse into that culture. And then, something like the disaster in Myanamar happens and not only do none of us know anyone who lives there, who has ever worked there or even vacationed there, but we're not even allowed to do anything to help. The one-big-happy-family idea kind of falls apart.

I will have to say I had a good time today explaining to a Brit and a woman from Singapore (a Singaporean?) who are both moving to the states exactly what a garbage disposal is. One said she was familiar with them as she saw one in a scene from the movie Stuart Little. They also were not aware that in the US we have refrigerator/freezers that dispense ice and water directly from the door into your glass.


Tonight is Maddie's big sleep over party. She is so excited about it. I went all the way into downtown Duesseldorf to get Dunkin Donuts for the kids to have for breakfast in the morning. Don't see too many folks on the train here with a big box of donuts. Tonight all the girls are going to make their own pizzas. Will be happy when Saturday afternoon arrives!

Making the Move

This morning Skip is celebrating and in mourning all at the same time--at least I'm guessing that he is. He got up at the crack of dawn (which is WAY early when you're this far north) and headed back to London. He went to his last BVB football game of the season and he said it was the best game yet. They beat last year's champion and apparently the star player was in rare form--even for a star player. AND for one of the few times when he has been at the stadium, the weather was beautiful. Skip has really enjoyed his season tickets with cousin Torsten. I know he is sad to see it come to an end.

I am trying to sort through all our stuff here. We will have about the same amount of living space in London, but just about zero storage space. Whereas we have a laundry room here where we stash seasonal decorations and luggage, in London, we'll have a little closet that houses a combination washer/dryer. So who knows what we'll do with all the luggage et al?

The weather is actually getting hot here and everyone is enjoying the sunshine. Last year, April was the nice month, but this year, May has it.

Skip will be back tomorrow night. He promised to be here on Friday to help with Maddie's birthday party. We're having 5 little girls sleep over. Prayers are appreciated. I actually have an escape route planned if things get out of control.

House Locating

We found and settled on a house. I went with the relocation agent on Thursday and looked at 11 houses (it should have been 12, but one rented before I could see it). WOW! I was absolutely spent by the end of the day, but had narrowed it down to three. Interestingly, I ended up with three different neighborhoods, three different price points and three different sizes. Maddie and Skip and I looked at all three and ended up deciding on the smallest one because of its downstairs layout of a kitchen that opens into a living space that opens into a garden with actual grass. This house is actually going to be smaller than our German house, but Skip won't be working out of it and it just has a nice feel to it. We think we're going to really like it.

After two days of house hunting, we had a really fun day for my birthday. We met up with Mikki from Dusseldorf and her husband and their son, Masaya, who was in Maddie's class last year at ISD. They moved to London a month ago and are living not too far away from where we are.

Then Skip's co-worker and wife have a little girl who is the same age as Maddie and will be going to the same school next year. They kept Maddie for us while Skip and I headed to the National Portrait Gallery (yes, there are so many museums here that there is one that just houses portraits of people) for the special exhibit of photography from Vanity Fair. It was amazing to see how many iconic images of famous people we have in our heads first appeared in the pages of Vanity Fair (there was the picture of Nancy and Ronald Reagan dancing and the infamous Demi Moore pregnancy pose to name a couple). Then we went to Harrod's Department Store (the largest one in the world) and had dim sum in their famed Food Hall.

Skip got me this great leather purse and a new pair of sunglasses. I've never had a purse this nice or a pair of sunglasses that costs over 10 bucks, so I'm feeling pretty high brow right now. Fancy purse, exploring the big city, cool sunglasses. Living the dream.

London is certainly not as clean nor are things as in good working order as they are in Germany. After living in Germany, you just have to accept that everywhere else is going to look at least slightly shabby. But there is so much to do and the people watching simply can't be beat. I have already had the best time riding the Tube (the subway) here. In Germany on the train, everyone pretty much has the same body language, the same expression and there's even a fairly standard mode of dress. Here, all bets are off.

We head back to Duesseldorf today with a long to-do list for the next month-and-a-half.

More Adjusting

So Maddie and I arrive in London for our re-lo trip and I am so relieved to be back in an English speaking country. By the time we make it to our hotel, we are both starving and there is a KFC right across the street from our hotel. Glad not to have to think through my order in my head, I walk through the door and person who greets me is--I'm guessing--Pakistani, and I have no idea what he says to me. So much for ease of communication in London!

Then we come back to the hotel. It's cold and pouring rain and Maddie has already complained of a sore throat, so I decide not to drag her around exploring. I find some odd children's show on television and tell Maddie I'm going to take a shower. I get undressed and get in the shower. First, I almost scald myself and then the water comes out so cold that I let loose a string of words that I really hope Maddie didn't hear. I give up on the shower, get out with half and head of wet hair and can't get the water to turn off. I can switch it from shower to bath, but I can't get the water to quit running. I'm thinking, "Great! I just spent two years feeling like a idiot in Germany and now, apparently, I'm going to be just as dense in this country as well." I have to get dressed and call the front desk and tell them I can't turn off the shower. The manager shows up all apologetic because there is actually something WRONG with the shower and the front desk should have let me know when we checked in. It's supposed to be fixed today ((Thursday). I was so relieved that the problem wasn't me, that I couldn't even be mad about that fact that we'd rented a room with a faulty shower.

But the best was when Maddie and I went out to dinner at her favorite London eatery, Giraffe. She needed to go the bathroom. The restaurant is small and she knew where it was, so I sent her on. Only to have her return immediately. "Mom," she says. "I forget. Do we go in the F or the M?" Yes, my child is so used to seeing a "D" for Damen and an "H" for Herren, that she didn't know about the ENGLISH male and female designations.

I am off to look at 11 or 12 houses today with a relo agent. My job is to pick the top three and all of us will check those out tomorrow. If Maddie perks up, she and Skip are going to hit one of the many free museums here in London.