Going Home

Here's an article a friend of mine wrote for the American Women's magazine, the Radschlaeger. I thought she really captured some of what happens when you go back to the states after living in Germany for awhile. She gave me permission to post it here.

What to expect from a visit home
Submitted by Laura Lynn Essick

A visit home does require some obligatory visits and just trying to catch up with lots of folks. Here is some advice that worked for us. Set up as many dates with those you want to see before you arrive. It will make for a smoother schedule and help facilitate good use of your time. Send out an email way in advance and start filling in dates. This will also avoid frustration of not being able to fit into others’ schedules – after all, life does go on with or without you so a little planning will be key to help you see all you desire. Then if you are unable to get to see everyone, at least you know the opportunity was given and this advance planning really prepares all parties involved – especially YOU! I recommend this for at least your first big visit home.

A lot does change given whatever time frame you have been gone – even in a few months you will see a noticeable difference. You may find friends and relatives a bit close-minded, and where you visit or return to will be a totally different place than when you left. Not that it is so different, but rather, you are now. You will find that some are not interested in your excitement of what you have seen or experienced. That is okay. Do not be offended – just share with those who ask. It has been my rule that, in general, unless asked a question like: 'What was your favorite country to visit?' or 'What do you like best about Germany?' I usually do not give unsolicited information. This may take some self control on your part, but will save some disappointment I promise.

For our first “real” visit home, it had been two years. Here are some of my experiences and perspectives on an overdue visit back to our homeland. I was at a store and did not want to bother the worker for long, so simply asked if they had the article I was looking for. The salesperson said: “Let's try this again: 'Good day, how are you?’” I was set back for a moment, realizing my directness had been interpreted as rudeness, a change I had not ever noticed in myself. At a craft store, I asked the worker how much time she had to help me, wanting to get in all my questions assuming she would disappear and I would soon be on my own. She laughed and said she was available for however long she was needed. I thought: I guess I have been out of touch with how things generally operate in the American service- oriented stores.

Our first impressions of home were how the air was smoke free EVERYWHERE, you did not have to pay to use the WC and of course, no one was speaking German. We got very excited about receiving free ketchup packets and drink refills.

I did not miss the bugs that I had forgotten about and resolved to get others to believe that Germany really does not have such bloodthirsty bugs.

I liked that, unlike the EC card, I could use my Visa everywhere and never had to have cash on hand.

At the grocery store, it was like I was in a foreign land as the shelves were stocked with more products than you could ever need or want. Someone's job was to bag my purchases, and they were so liberal with giving out bags I was not paying for, I just could not believe it. I let the man behind me go ahead since he only had a few items and was totally surprised when he thanked me.

The kids had their own perspectives on their first visit home in two years: they were thrilled with the novelty of free water, free refills and extra ice in everything. (I, on the other hand, froze not only from how every drink was served so cold but how cold it was anywhere you went.) The kids also liked that there were so many choices for everything, especially drinks and food, but one step in a craft or toy store could almost be overwhelming. Again, I was reminded of what an indulgent society we came from, and it has only gotten worse in the time we have been gone.

The kids really honed in on differences with the toilets, how the appliances were huge and how our Connecticut home showed we were spoiled since we have both air conditioning and ceiling fans. Having close to an acre of land, our yard could not be called a Garten and I think we all had forgotten the thrill of seeing wild turkeys in our lot and the ability of having 34 kids in the backyard being as loud as they wished and you did not in the least bit feel crowded.

We ate more hot dogs than I care to admit and drank more Root Beer in our first week home then we have the whole time we have lived in Germany. It did drive me nuts that the car beeped when you locked it and car alarms were constantly going off. I guess noise pollution is something worth considering.

Here are some other things I realized or had forgotten about my homeland:

• how GPS dependant I have become (or should I say how handicapped I have become using one – for even though I have lived in the area we were visiting most of my life – I had to dust the cobwebs out of my brain to recall short cuts and just navigate myself around town)
• how Autobahn driving made it very difficult to drive 65 mph, let alone 50 or 55 highway zones. After five and a half weeks, I was finally consistently driving the speed limit.
• how, in general, Americans are friendly with waves, smiles, and hellos to strangers
• and how indulgent a society the US really is!

When we went home for that extended visit, I knew before going that we had changed and knew our friends, relatives and neighbors at home just would not fully relate or understand all we have been experiencing unless they too have traveled extensively or lived an ex-pat life. I knew we would be ready to return from the visit when the time came, and I knew we were not quite ready to return to the States for good.

With a little mental preparation and some planning, hopefully you will find some of the tips above helpful on your next visit home. Enjoy the the people you get to see rather than fretting about what you have not done yet or who you have not been able to catch up with. And if you can't see everyone (as inevitably will happen) invite them to come visit you here and show them your new neck of the woods. One thing I know for sure is that you will never look at your home country the same – you will travel and visit places you might not have ever considered before. You will see your homeland as a foreign land and a travel opportunity to learn more and more. Enjoy the journey wherever it takes you.