Mother's Day

We got some sad news this weekend. Skip's Tante (Aunt) Rosl died suddenly this week. She is Skip's mother's sister-in-law and mother to Skip's cousin Ollie. We spent time at her house just about six weeks ago during Maddie's spring break and Skip spent a great deal of time there in the summers when he was growing up. We all have really good memories of Tante Rosl. A delightful lady. We are so happy that we got to see her one last time.

I hope I have a chance to make kartoffel poufs for all of you. Tante Rosl taught me how. We will eat these yummy, fried potato creations and remember her fondly.

Here is my Mother's Day message that was published in the American Women's Club magazine this month. I've gotten a lot of good feedback, so I thought I would post it here for Mother's Day.

In Praise of the Professional Mom
By Anne Russ

Before I came to Düsseldorf, I had never been a professional mom—meaning that parenthood was not my sole occupation. With the exception of the first four months of my daughter’s life, I split my time between motherhood and the ministry. I was one of the lucky ones, blessed with a flexible schedule and amazing friends, family, babysitters and daycare. And my child thrived in an environment of mom, dad and an entire “village” of people who loved her.

When I came to Germany, I thought it would be nice to have a break from juggling job and child. There would be no repeats of the time my husband was out of town, and I was to preside over a very large funeral and our 2½-year-old woke up with 102 degrees fever (thank goodness for grandmothers!). There would be no more picking up my daughter at her pre-school at 3:30, running home to spend a couple of hours with her, throwing something together for dinner, and waiting until Skip came home so I could head back to church for evening meetings. I thought I was in for a treat.

It hasn’t quite worked out that way. Somehow being a stay-at-home mom has drained me more than juggling the work and mommy-dom. My patience level has taken a nosedive. I yell at my child on a fairly regular basis (a parenting technique that I am, in theory, opposed to). My previously independent child has become more “mommy clingy” than she’s ever been in her life. Add to that the stress of living in a different culture with a different language and smaller washing machines, and it just hasn’t been the break I anticipated.

I called a friend back in the States who gave up a successful marketing research career two years earlier to stay home with her kids. “Why is this so hard?” I asked her. “Shouldn’t it be easier without the other job?”

She had the answer. “You never get to switch gears. When I used to come home from work, even if the kids were screaming, it was still good to be home from work. Now the kids are the work and there is no break. Even when they are at school, you’re doing stuff for and about the kids most of the time.”

Aha! So my envy of the professional mom’s (or dad’s) lifestyle may have been slightly misinformed.

Since coming here, I have been in awe of those of you who juggle the schedules of one, two, three, four and even more children in a foreign land. Many of you do it with little help from husbands who work long hours at the jobs that brought you here in the first place. (Oh, and let them be warned, the next man I hear say, “I wish I could be an ex-pat wife” may get hit upside the head!)

You do what you do with almost no vacation time—except an occasional girl’s weekend away. Can you imagine another job where one or two weekends off in a year would be considered acceptable?

You do what you do with very little job training. I had ninety post-graduate hours and two internships to prepare me for the pastorate. I took six one-hour prenatal classes and read a book or two before I had my daughter.

You do what you do without any administrative support. There is no one but you to keep track of schedules, plan the meals, answer the phones and keep up with the correspondence.

You do what you do with very little encouragement or feedback. Every morning that you get your kids out the door and to school on time, fully dressed, with homework and lunch in tow, there ought to be a little cheering section that says, “Way to go! I don’t know how you do this every morning!” Every night when you get the kids fed, bathed, in PJs and tucked into bed asleep, there ought to be someone around to say, “Wow! That was amazing! You are really good at this.”

You do what you do with love, humor and a real sense of call to motherhood. You give your time and talents to benefit your children and others in ways that will not be fully appreciated for years—if ever! You stand ready to support and encourage other mothers on their journeys and are gracious about accepting help when you need it yourself.

The only thing I would encourage you to do differently is to give yourself more credit for all you do. Some of you may have lost touch with just how amazing you are.

And while you’re the one who has to constantly field the cries of “I’m hungry!” “I’m bored.” “He’s touching me!” and “Everyone else has one.” You also get to be the first to hear “Guess what happened at school today?” “I think when I grow up, I want to be a…” “I made the team!” and “Can we talk?”

Every job has its perks.

Here’s hoping you at least get a chance to sleep in this Mother’s Day.